As most of you have probably heard by now, Dos Equis have decided to end our little ad campaign of my jaunty stories. It's all well and good and my friends at Heineken International, owners of Dos Equis, and I part on amicable terms. In fact, I've just come back from the Netherlands. We didn't call them 'blunts' in my day, but there's no mistaking a good sticky. I remember the fulsome company of the Dutch in the days before the global marijuana movement; just a few good friends gathered in a hovel off The Zeedijk, sharing that month's bounty. But so here I am, writing shaving product review. Onward, lads!
Ah, that mysterious product from Turkey; the conundrum, the mystique, the legend that is Arko! Back when I consulted with DuPont on the first forays in "plastics" we dabbled in scent precipitates from solution. Scratch-n-sniff? I practically invented it. If someone had asked us to chemically divine "clean", it would have smelled like Arko. Recall the remake of The Fly -- mad scientist Jeff Goldblum, after teleporting a steak, as a test for the new invention, asks Gena Davis to try it and give her opinion: "Synthetic" is her reply. Arko has such a perfectly clean scent it's almost antiseptic. The most pure of clean, like the butcher's cutlery freshly washed at Avenida Juan de Pocoros and Via Stefania, east Barcelona; chuletas to die for and salchica that surpasses even the most buttery of jamon Serano.
The shave stick label itself harkens back to My Three Sons; the Age of Space Exploration. Vodka with Yuri Gagarin. He was a good chap; not industrial Soviet churn but truly charming, just in the right, red place at the right time to be a monument forever for my comrades over there.
The texture is slick chalk pre-lathering and I recall the smelling salts reviving me after two rounds with Joe Louis. You can't win 'em all, and Joe was a gentleman, sharing his private stock of dusty liquor after our friendly rounds on a whim of a bet.
Once the warm water meets Arko, though, what a transformation. The lather is slick and protective. I've gotten better stiff peaks of foam, but I was coated nicely and the razor glided so well that at times I wasn't sure I was cutting at all. I recall that rapier I once wielded in North York, it's smooth edge slashing right through the neck of that Clos du Mesnil as the Duke accepted his position, and we partied oh so un-Brit-like in the streets.
All in all, coupled with a pre-shave face scrub, beard oil, a Lord blade on about its third or fourth use, this was a good, smooth shave, no irritation, no weeping, easily handling two days of stubble. The scent may not be for everyone, but I find it mostly innocuous and a surprisingly lubricating product. I'll have to mention it next time I meet with Recep Tayyip Erdoğan in Istanbul.
Stay well-shaven my friends.
The World's Most Interesting Man's Product Reviews-Number One: Arko Shave Stick
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